Recent Releases – Fifty Shades of Grey

50-Shades-of-Grey-2015-Movie-Wallpaper

Girl meets boy. Boy likes BDSM and tries to convince girl to like BDSM.

My original plan was to write this article as a list compiling fifty reasons why this film is so terrible or fifty reasons why you should avoid this movie or blah blah blah but I couldn’t endure the excruciating pain of having to remember so much from an awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, awful, (Yes, that’s 50) experience just for the sake of a little quirk. Now, I completely understand that I don’t exactly fall into this movie’s demographic, having said that, I can still appreciate a film that I wouldn’t necessarily call myself a fan of; i.e. Grease, Frozen, Mamma Mia! (Spot the pattern yet?) I’d like to think I could recognise what constitutes a good film even though I wouldn’t usually enjoy that particular movie. Absolutely none of that could be said for Fifty Shades of Grey. The dialogue was atrocious, most of the acting was appalling, and the original source material just comes across as extremely hollow on-screen which isn’t surprising considering the book had been adapted from an online Twilight fan-fiction fantasy book series.

To begin with, it’s clear to see that it’s going to be an unbearable watch. This is confirmed with the opening sequence appearing to have no character/narrative establishment, depth, or development whatsoever. We appear to know nothing about the two lead characters yet we are supposed to instantly invest into their blossoming relationship. All we know is that this young prudish and modest lady is getting to know this extremely successful billionaire who happens to have a so-called dirty secret – and to be honest, not a lot unravels from that description. You may as well watch the trailer or read the synopsis because, not only is everything explained within such a short sequence, you’ll most definitely get more enjoyment out of using your imagination than sitting through 2 hours of agony.

600px-209

The dialogue was terrible in this movie. It appears to reek of outdated TV soap opera material quite like Days Of Our Lives or Dallas, which should easily be forgiven considering their tongue-in-cheek approach, opposed to Fifty Shades of Grey where it all appears as serious as a punch in the testicles.

As I mentioned before, most of the performances in this film are terrible with the exception of Dakota Johnson. Most notably dire is Jamie Dornan as Christian Grey. Now, don’t get me wrong, I actually think Dornan is a decent actor, I just think he was horribly miscast and the character himself is extremely hollow. It was horrible to see someone struggle with the American accent as much as he had, especially when so many British actors have excelled in portraying Americans on-screen as of late. But overall, the character of Mr. Grey just comes across as this really lifeless, insecure, and boring asshole who has ‘unusual’ sexual desires. Johnson’s performance really is the only shining light in this film as she was very believable as a young confused and curious woman. It’s just a shame that all of her efforts couldn’t draw any life from this lifeless heavy stone of a movie.

If you are a fan of the books then you might in fact enjoy this movie but if you’re a fan of film or cinema (IN ANY FORM) then avoid Fifty Shades of Grey at all costs. It may be a story containing elements of sexual punishment but the only punishment is of that suffered by the audience.

1 Cold, Empty, Lifeless, Shade of Grey out of 50

by Simon Garganera Price

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s